Just a little note to those who may be reading this presentation: A vast majority of it has either been stolen directly from or inspired by Mark Gungor. Mark does a marriage seminar called “Laugh your Way to a Better Marriage.” www.laughyourway.com I highly recommend it.
Father’s Day 2009
On Mother’s Day we had a message for the men to help them understand women better.
It reminds me of a joke Jack told me.
A man finds Aladdin’s Lamp, rubs it, Genie appears, 3 wishes. The man says I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m afraid of the ocean and afraid to fly, I wish for a bridge. Genie says, Sorry no, too difficult. “Well,” the man says, “I wish I could understand women.” To which the Genie replies, “How many lanes do you want that bridge.”
It seems like it is only fair that today on Father’s Day we should help women understand men. For your consideration today ladies a discourse on the way men contemplate, the way men communicate, and the way men connect. But after months of research I’ve got about only 5 minutes of information to pass on to you. And really none of can be shared in this PG setting. Testosterone, if you ladies only knew what that hormone does to us guys you’d think we are grosser than you already do.
I don’t want to turn this into a marriage seminar, I want to help you ladies understand the men in your world. The men you grew up with, The men you associate with, The men you may have birthed,The man you may have stuck yourself with.
Women for the most part a genuinely confused about men---If you recall on Mother’s Day Anita Renfro, sang us a song called Momsense. She condensed everything a mom says in a day to 2 and half minutes. She decided to be fair, she would do the same thing for Father’s.
Video. Dadsense http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtNGFh-dCe0
As every father here will tell you, While that may be close to the truth, its not the whole story. No man bashing today—No no, it’s Father’s Day. The day we tell women about men. Generally women are really just as confused about men as men are about women.
Video: MOTS: Understanding Men http://www.sermonspice.com/search?q=MOTS+Understanding+men&topic=All
One of the best places to start learning about men is in the Bible. So ladies, read with me:
Proverbs 14:4a (YLT)
Without oxen a stall is clean…
You may not have enough knowledge of the original Hebrew to understand this verse so let me explain.
Oxen pooh.
I don’t know if you have ever had the pleasure of walking through a pasture where Oxen have tread. If you haven’t there’s a secret you need to know. You see your typical Ox doesn’t care where it poohs. It’s just part of its nature, It poohs when it wants, doesn’t matter where its at.Secondly, you can’t potty train an Ox. So you have to pay close attention to where you are placing your feet, especially if you’re walking barefoot. Because ox pooh becomes like these 12-16 inch diameter landmines. Crusty on the top, chewy in the middle. And if you happen to misstep, you will be followed by a certain lingering odor until you can find a hose to wash off with.[The wise watch their steps … Prov 14:16 (MSG) ] Kicking it off won’t work. Got to have that running water. ["Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed." 2 Kings 5:10 (NIV) ]
As we have already established, When the Ox needs to pooh, it doesn’t care where its at. Out in the field, in the barn, standing in its stall—office, livingroom…And what the Hebrew verb indicates is that if you don’t have an Ox in the barn, you won’t need to clean up after it. I know it’s just amazing the things you learn in school.There is a simple mathematical formula that can express this truth: Ox not equals no pooh.
So if you don’t want to deal with pooh, don’t get yourself an Ox. No Ox, no pooh, clean stall.
Tthere is a down side to not having Oxen around. Again ladies read with me:
Proverbs 14:4
Without oxen a stall is clean, but great is the increase by the power of the ox.
The Ox has this great power to help you. The Ox has this great strength to get things done. And you need that strength to make your life a better. Without the Ox, you just can’t accomplish what you can with the Ox. So the Ox provides certain positives to life that you really can appreciate. Let’s call those positives “payoffs.”
Ladies with a man, Doesn’t matter who the man is, Doesn’t matter the reason you associate with the man-- There is no such thing as a pooh free relationship. If there is a man in your life, there’s going to be pooh. It’s a given. So the idea in all your different kinds of relationships with the men in your life is know how to take care of the Ox so you have a positive, payoff to pooh ratio Again this can be written as a mathematical formula. Ox : payoff/pooh
If you have a lot of payoff and little pooh, You got yourself a healthy Ox. But if all you have is pooh, The Ox is sick. There are things you need to know to keep your Ox healthy Doesn’t matter the type of relationship, there are things you can do to keep your Oxen healthy. Once again the Bible tells us a lot about men.
Genesis 2:15 (MSG)
God took the Man and set him down in the Garden of Eden to work the ground and keep it in order.
Ladies believe it or not there is a natural inborn desire in a man to work. Hey that’s payoff. Man works, things get done, pay off. To keep the payoff to pooh ratio positive you must Appreciate his desire to work. Appreciate his effort to work.Appreciate his attempt to work. Appreciation then gentle correction.
[A refusal to correct is a refusal to love…Prov 13:24 (MSG) ]
Don’t beat your Ox.
1 Timothy 5:8 (RSV)
If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Ladies believe it or not there is a natural inborn desire in a man to protect and provide for members of his tribe. Work tribe, family tribe, any tribe he belongs to. That’s a payoff, protect and provide. Let’s say you’re a police officer ladies, Let the guy go through the door first. It’s in his nature. He actually wants to do stuff for you, To provide for you, To make sure you have what you need. To keep the payoff to pooh ratio positive you must Appreciate his desire to protect Appreciate his effort to provide. Appreciate his attempt. Appreciation then gentle correction.
[A quiet rebuke to a person of good sense does more than a whack on the head of a fool. Prov 17:10 (MSG) ]
Don’t beat your Ox.
Proverbs 25:2 (NCV)
God is honored for what he keeps secret. Kings are honored for what they can discover.
Ladies, remember when I told the guys that women are multi-taskers?
Women just have this incredible ability to do multiple things at one time.
Guys are single-taskers.
This can be a really good thing.
Men can focus, and in focusing on just one thing,
Become a master at it.
This ability to be singularly focused gives him skills to analyze
a situation and figure things out.
There is a natural inborn desire in men to figure things out.
That’s a payoff, answers and solutions to difficult problems.
To keep the payoff to pooh ratio positive you must
Appreciate his ability to bottom line things
Appreciate his effort to help you with solutions to
your problems,
especially if you didn’t purposely ask him
too.
Appreciate his attempt.
Appreciation then gentle correction.
Don’t beat your Ox.
One of the reasons men are single taskers is because of the way they think.
In a woman’s mind, everything is connected, to everything else,
and most of those things are encased in emotion so she never forgets
anything.
Men’s brains are made up of little boxes.
Men have boxes for everything,
Box for you, box for work, boxes for our friends, box for the car,
boxes for the kids Box for your mom in the basement.
Boxes,
Little boxes.
Now unlike a woman’s mind where everything is connected.
In men’s brains the boxes don’t touch.
When we need something in one of our boxes,
We go to that box,
pull it out, open it,
then we are ready to discuss only what is in that box.
Single tasker.
Then after we’re done talking
we put it back in its place,
very carefully so that it doesn’t touch
any other box.
Ladies this is the way men think.
One thing at a time, focused on one thing at a time.
So when discussing something with a man remember,
One topic at a time.
And It takes time for him to switch to boxes…
Lots of boxes in a man’s mind, big boxes, little boxes, color coded boxes.
Men even have a box with nothing in it.
The nothing box.
Of all the boxes the nothing box is our favorite.
We’ll go to the nothing box every chance we get.
I know its hard for you Ladies to fathom but,
There is nothing in the nothing box.
That’s why men can do seemingly brain dead things for hours on end,
like fishing ..,
channel surfing…
sitting in the recliner staring into space…
Men enjoy their nothing box,
Thy can stay in it and do nothing for hours.
But nothing makes a women more irritated than watching a man doing
nothing.
video: What Are You Thinking
http://www.sermonspice.com/search?q=What+Are+You+Thinking&topic=All
Psalms 17:3 (TGTOOCV)
(the grossly taken out of context version)
Though you
probe my heart and examine me at night,
though you test me, you will find nothing…
Ladies there is a natural inborn desire in a man hang out in his nothing box.
It refreshes him, it’s his time do nothing.
The payoff is when he’s done doing nothing,
He’s ready, willing and able to do something.
To keep the payoff to pooh ratio positive you must
Appreciate his need to do nothing
Appreciate his ease to rejuvenate himself.
Appreciate his attempt.
Appreciation then gentle correction.
Don’t beat your Ox.
The way a man thinks, effects how he communicates.
And as you know a great deal of communication deals with listening.
To keep your payoff to pooh ratio positive there is an axiom you must keep in
mind when trying to talk to a man.
“When a man is doing something he generally can’t hear anything.”
This is especially true when a man is doing nothing.
Your query my have solicited a response, a grunt, a “huh-huh,” a “just a minute,”
A “yes mame.”
But remember -- he never really heard you.
To keep the payoff to pooh ratio positive you need
to know how to get a man to do what you want him to do
1. Ask him more than once.
Generally you’ll need to ask him three times.
Asking once is like not asking at all—
If Paul had to ask God three times,
2 Corinthians 12:8 (TGTOOCV)
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
If Paul had to ask God three times,
It need not be a hardship for you to
follow the Apostle’s example.
When asking the men in your life to do
something for you.
A man needs to be asked three times because
he needs that kind of time to rearrange his boxes.
2. Ask him the right way
Don’t insult the boy.
[Careful words make for a careful life; careless talk may ruin everything. Prov 13:3 (MSG) ]
If you do you just turned it into a competition and
he is going to want to win,
just for the fun of it.
He can’t help himself,
He forgets to look at the box that is labeled
“negative repercussions”
written in big bold red letters all over it.
Danger, danger—
Tim Hawkins Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK2OakMoW_c
Proverbs 15:1 (NLT)
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
And ladies for him a sigh means life is good.
He doesn’t understand that a sigh from you means you
think he’s being an idiot.
So be wise in your choice and tone of words when you’ve
asked him the first time, the second time, the third time.
3. Train him with positive reinforcement.
[…a nagging spouse is a leaky faucet. Prov 19:13 (MSG) ]
Appreciate the pathetic things he does do.
[It's wrong to penalize good behavior… Prov 17:26 (MSG)]
Deuteronomy 25:4 (NIV)
Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain.
Every man deep down wants to be a knight in shinning armor.
Make him feel that way and he’ll keep doing what you
want him to do.
If you will just appreciate his efforts,
He will keep doing things to receive your praise.
Praise invites payoff.
There is always the situation where after the third request the man will say “NO”
“No, I’m not going to do it.”
Ladies if this happens barter with him.
To keep the payoff to pooh ratio positive you may have to
barter with him.
Now, if this was a marriage seminar I would tell you
something that will motivate him every time.
[A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones. Prov 12:4 (MSG) ]
But since its not,
Enter into a trade negotiation with him,
A little give and take,
Find out what he wants from you in order
for him to do what you want.
Proverbs 18:19 (MSG)
Do a favor and win a friend forever; nothing can untie that bond.
Last thing we should consider is how men connect.
It been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
I think they missed, aimed too high.
But since this is not a marriage seminar, we’ll move on to another thought.
Women easily connect through conversation.
Men connect through doing things, not so much talking.
You want to connect with a man do something with him.
Join with him in his world and be present.
Believe me when I tell you ladies, no need to speak,
Just be there.
Its better if you don’t speak.
Just hang out with him.
He doesn’t want to talk until he connects.
Let’s say you work with a bunch of guys,
You want to connect with them,
Go to lunch with the group.
Go to the baseball game with the group.
“Connection through doing.”
Men like buddies.
Men like others to play with.
Men like companions.
“Connection through doing”
Say it with me ladies:
“Connection through doing”
If you don’t like that, let me remind you,
It’s your ox,
and nobody but you can keep the
“payoff” to “pooh” ratio positive.
OK—so that was a little longer than five minutes.
But, just maybe men are more complicated than the stereotypes would lead
us to believe.
Ladies here on Father’s Day, I leave you with this thought—
With Oxen, there is no such thing as a pooh free relationship,
And its really up to you to keep your Oxen healthy.
So today on Father’s Day,
Grab your ox by the nose and do something nice
for him.